I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Pants are for mortals
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize