Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
