Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize