Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize