Porn is love you can see.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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