He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize