benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
