Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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