First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
How does it feel to date your dad?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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