So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
then he tried to convert me to islam
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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