I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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