Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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