wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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