the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
