my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
