did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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