it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
