I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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