...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
