Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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