matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You smell like stripper and shame
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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