Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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