dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
