your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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