Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize