I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
