how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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