He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
