if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
