i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
