please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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