You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
