dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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