i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
