Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
we're so committed to being not committed
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
