I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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