is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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