Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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