you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
