we have pet lesbian snakes
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
