I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
