he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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