I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
