Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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