here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
