Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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