True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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