just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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