I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
