nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
