He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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