Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
