They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
