At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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