There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
