Got a toothbrush?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
