how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
