I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
