As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
