I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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