There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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