Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
