shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
