Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
