I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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