3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize