I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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