doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
