Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
