Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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