One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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