I think I died a long time ago.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
