is your mom at the bar?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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