I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
